Many claim that communication advances have been the catalyst for humanity’s advances. We, obviously, live in an era of communication technology the likes of which the world has never seen.
Imagine how our ancestors might have felt, as they were stuffing notes on flying pigeon couriers if they knew that these days we punch a button on cellular phone to Facetime somebody on the opposite side of the world and it happens almost instantly.
Gone are the days of smoke signals from mountain-top to mountain-top—now we are frustrated when we must wait for a few seconds, as our message travels to space and back, for video streaming.
Even with these truly monumental communication advances, we are still regularly undone by the common phrase, “We need better communication.”
I think the better phrase should be, we need better planned and executed communication.
This is particularly true for the intricate leadership web inside family owned businesses!
Indeed, I would advocate that family businesses need a legitimate communication strategy and execution plan.
I like the phrase, intentional communication, which means what specific steps can we implement to intentionally, step-by-step, develop communication process and/or guideline.
In the family business setting this is a vital factor because, unlike non-family businesses, work seems to be a part of our every conversation from sun-up until sun-down—never a break.
As family business owners or participants, we talk about the business at night over dinner; we talk about it while we are brushing our teeth and getting ready for bed; we talk about it over the weekends; we talk about it on vacation; we talk about it at birthdays, weddings and family celebrations—we talk about it endlessly.
Hence, one of the obvious first strategies and execution plans that EVERYONE in the family needs to agree upon is when NOT to talk about the family business.
Truly, this is a monumental undertaking because there are always seemingly good exceptions. One exception leads to another and then, before you know it, the carousel starts spinning again without hope of getting off.
There is so much to write about and discuss on this one topic alone. We will not be able to cover everything, but I urge you to pause for a moment and deeply consider the dynamics wrapped up inside the family business—do any apply to you? What can you do to make changes now?
Marital Relationships:
This is a big one! Small family businesses are usually bootstrapping, particularly at the start. The success of the business is a crucial element to the success of the family—house payments, food, clothing and survival are all on the line.
Naturally, there are going to be ups and downs, frustrations and items that need resolving. There is always pressure to perform.
Almost overnight, marriage relationships take second place to business relationships. This can become particularly true if the business is struggling.
When both the business and marriage relationships are simultaneously stressed, the results can be devastating.
It is critically important, from my perspective, that married couples put their relationship before the business. Couples need to make rules about when they will and won’t talk about the business—particularly at home.
One rule that works well for many people I coach is to eliminate all family business talk on Sunday. It was meant as a day of rest and re-charge—take advantage of that old-school virtue and rest on the Sabbath-day.
In addition, make a rule to not talk about work after dinner. Whatever needs discussing can happen the following morning—at work!
Finally, make a rule that when you are having fun (out for dinner or celebrations) don’t talk about work.
These are just a few—there are many other examples of intentional rules to help keep lines between work and your marriage.
These rules are also useful if you are the heir-apparent son.
You go to work and deal with the hectic pace—there are successes and frustrations, but your wife, who is likely a wonderful support to you, may only be hearing about the frustrating stories. If she only hears about the problems or frustrations at work, her perspective on your family may begin to darken.
You should be intentional about telling her both good and bad (not just the bad!)
Like I mentioned above, there should be times when you just agree that work-talk is off the table. Don’t talk about work at dinner, on the weekends, at family parties, etc. Find the rules that work for your marriage and stick with them. Be intentional about how you communicate to her.
Father-Son Relationships:
Many of the same rules apply here as in marriage relationships. In the long run, family relationships will always be more important than dollars earned.
When will you make time for each other outside of the business? What rules or boundaries will you establish about how you communicate to each other?
My relationship with my father struggled because I wanted to see him as a father, not a boss. I wanted to honor his name but there were times when I felt like he was wrong about work-related issues. It was hard to communicate with my father one way at work and another way in the home setting.
When I was younger, we could be strongly opposed to a work issue in the day and then at night, I would want to talk about a girl I was dating.
Sibling-Sibling Relationships:
Do you allow your issues at work to impact your feelings for each other at home? I know of two brothers (we have all heard these stories) that owned a boat ferrying business. Tensions between the two become so acrimonious that one of the brothers actually brought a shotgun to one of their meetings as a statement of intimidation.
Think about that for a moment—brothers so upset with each other that deadly weapons are being brandished.
Imagine meeting your Maker and explaining to Him that business issues had become so fierce that we were thinking about shooting one another.
No business is worth that type of family destruction.
If you are at odds with one or more of your siblings, the time to resolve those issues is now.
It will start with communication and making rules about future conversations.
What topics are off limits? Make some intentional rules and live by them.
There is so much more we could cover, but the simple point is that you need to have intentional discussions with your family about how you can improve your communication by setting rules and guidelines.
Please always remember, as you have these conversations and make guidelines, that family is more important than business. I want to repeat that—family is always more important than business!!!
I will always advocate that position.
In the end, the business will improve when family relationships improve—not the other way around.