It is a long week at the business—Friday night finally comes. You and your wife head out for a well-deserved night on the town. Part of the night will likely be a delicious meal at a favorite restaurant where it will be wonderful to relax and just talk with your wife about everything.
One of the topics, undoubtedly, will be work.
One of the work topics, undoubtedly, will likely be about your dad—maybe he is driving you nuts, maybe you can’t read him, maybe he is stuck in his old ways, maybe he is too conservative, maybe his expectations are too high, or even too low—the list could go on.
For most of us, those issues are manageable but then there is this: what are your dad’s plans for the future? When is your dad going to retire? How is he planning on passing down the ownership or leadership structure of the business? What about your siblings not working in the business? What about your younger brother that is the ‘project’ in the family?
Sooner or later, after listening to the frustration in your voice, your wife will finally say to you, “Why don’t you just sit down and talk about it.” Your response, “Honey, I would like to, but it is not that easy.”
That comment will be baffling to her, “You can’t just talk? I don’t get it.”
My guess is that for many of us this predicament is familiar.
The truth is that it can be daunting to talk to your dad about the future.
For one, he has so much emotional power over you. Even though that sounds bad—like your dad is a hate monger (which I hope he is not)—what it is really meant to say is that this man has raised you since you were an infant. He is the man, for many of us, that has been our biggest source of emotional strength. He stands strong when the chips are down. He has the best advice when life isn’t working. He has been our protector and provider. He is the statue of stability and what a blessing for any of us that have had that kind of father (too many, unfortunately, do not have that blessing as a child).
Mustering up the courage to talk, man-to-man, with your father is not easy for most of us sons, even when your dad has no idea you feel that way.
If those emotional roadblocks were not enough to keep us from having heart-to-hearts, there is that thing about being freakishly busy. How hard is it to have a deep or long conversation at work during the busy day—I know it is often impossible. When the day is over, people are tired and there are awaiting duties at home—yard work, civic meetings, neighborhood parties, homework, etc. etc.
Being busy is wonderful but also frustrating when it feels like you must make a calendar appointment to talk with your dad.
I honestly remember writing my dad letters (bet I am not the only one who has done that.)
Despite all of that and despite the excuses you might be telling your wife, you have got to figure this out—and sooner rather than later.
It sometimes feels selfish. Even worse, it feels like you are being disloyal, but if done right, it can actually be just the opposite.
From the Good Word, we know a man is supposed to leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife. You owe it to your wife and a new family to have a map of your future that all of you can count on and leaving that to hope, without a real set of conversations and plans is a mistake.
Certainly, there will always be unexpected events that change our life’s direction but that is not what we are talking about here.
Take your wife’s advice and push yourself to have that needed conversation with your dad. This is the beginning of a succession plan that will require more work than we can cover here, but I guarantee the conversation or, more likely, conversations, will be worth doing.